I have officially been in The Netherlands for over a month. It has come with many waves of emotions and various ups and downs. Its an exciting adventure but also very difficult.
I have found a job and started working. Its definitely a challenge but very good at the same time. A learning and growth experience.
The thing I am struggling with the most is my anxiety. I am holding a lot of anxiety and fear in regards to my health. I am so scared my energy levels regress and I get very sick again although I am trying my best to manage them and still putting everything in place to remain stable. I know I need to just trust God but it’s proving very difficult.
I have found a church and bible study to join so thats very encouraging. I have also made a few friends. I enjoyed a trip in Amsterdam and Rotterdam so far this month.
When I become more aware of the time and my anxiety is high, my OCD flares up and I become obsessive with the time. This is a big struggle and makes everything more draining and challenging because it takes a lot out of me to be more present and fight this tendency.
God really is with me every step of the way and has provided things I have been very anxious about. I do need to give him more credit that I do because He really is working. I tend to continue looking forward and pushing for more more more and seeing what hasn’t been done instead of what has been done. I’m working on that.
I am currently reading the book Friend-ish by Kelly Needham, it is such a good book and I am thoroughly enjoying as it changes my perspective on friendship and puts words topics I struggle to comprehend in my head. Other books I’ve read this month:
-Own your everyday by Jordan Lee Dooley: I love this book so much and so that is why I re read it. Super good perspective on being purposeful with everyday things and starting where you are to achieve your goals and making life a little less complicated than you make it out to be in your head.
-When less becomes more by Emily Ley: I am all about the intentional living books that are coming out these days. Super good read on being more present in your daily life (something I’m continuously trying to get better at) and how to simplify your life.
-Am I enough by Grace Valentine: Good thoughts on our identity in Christ and how to live that out (identity-another big struggle of mine)
Another thing I am very anxious about is money-this is a standard anxiety that lingers but is always very hard for me. Every time I spend money I feel a lot of guilt and anxiety. I know I need to stop looking for money to be my security but to Jesus.
I have also taken this whole month off Instagram again, I know I have unhealthy tendencies with Instagram specifically and it leads to a lot of comparison and materialistic wants so I have been trying to re think my intentions with social media and how I plan to have a healthier relationship with it. Haven’t come up with much but still thinking through that one.
Thats the February update.