Control. It’s a weird concept. I crave control over my life and do everything to feel in control. But if you think deeper do I really want control when I’m just a human who doesn’t have much authority or power. Surely I want God to be in control, the author of life and who holds my life in his hands. In theory yes but in reality that’s not how I’m living things out.
I’m realizing that I can talk about surrendering my life to God and trusting Him but am I actually living that out? That’s the challenge. You see I want to live this out but there seems to be a gap between my head and my heart that I’m filling with lies about who I am, who a Jesus is and what my life looks like.
I’m tired of chasing after control that I actually don’t really want but think I want, this creates spiral after spiral in my head and my anxiety sky rockets. That’s not how God wants us to live.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God- Phillipians 4:6
I’ve been challenged in my prayer time to stop just updating God on my life and asking for things but to really share why I’m asking for these things or the good and the bad going on my life. Maybe that will be the first step to practically surrendering.
I’m still very confused what this next season of life will look like and what God wants me to do. So with all the unknown in my daily life, I want to hang on to control way tighter and plan every little detail, having OCD doesn’t help this situation 🤪. But I’m so thankful that God is a constant firm foundation.
He has never done anything to make me not want to trust Him-so why don’t I give up control?
Being human is hard 🙈.